There’s no room for ego in the recovery process.
Learning to leave your ego at the door is the step in recovery that separates the men from the boys. I like to think of ego as standing for “Edging God Out.” But it wasn’t easy for me.
I was an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. I could talk the talk, I never backed down from a fight, but I was also so fearful. I would only wear certain clothes because I wanted people to see me in a certain way. Ego played such a tremendous part in my life as an alcoholic.
Laying down your ego is nothing less than a battle step in the 12-step process. You have to apply the action. The good news is, once you actually go through the steps, you realize that it’s not as big of a deal. No one wants to admit the things they’ve done under the influence, but it’s such a soul-searching, cleansing process. And often the secrets we think we’re keeping aren’t so secret after all.
When I was in my late teens, my dad ran a service station. I’d be partying so I would take money out of the register to fund my fun. It was action born out of ego. I didn’t want anybody to see that I didn’t have any money. Later, to chase away the shame I felt over my actions, I’d drink. Years later, I was still carrying around all this guilt and felt horrible. I finally confessed, and my dad admitted that he’d known all along. He never confronted me because he thought I’d grow out of it.
There’s no room for self-righteousness in recovery. We need to leave our egos behind and get real in order to get healthy. I’m so glad I did.
Harold Connell is an Outreach Specialist at La Paloma Treatment Center in Memphis, Tennessee, where’s he brought numerous people into treatment. In addition to his experience as a professional on staff, he’s experienced addiction from the other side as well. After 10 attempts at treatment and 14 incarcerations he finally surrendered. He’s been sober since January 4, 2001.
Tags: 12-step, Ego, Inferiority, Recovery
