This tricky technique lets us feel okay about doing things we never imagined possible.
We’ve all done it, tried to justify or rationalize a behavior we knew was wrong. “If you only knew how I felt.” “If you had the wife I had.” “If you had the job I had.” We justify.
When I was a kid I never dreamed of going to jail, that was a fear. But then it happened and I went through the shame, fear, etc. that goes along with getting arrested. But as my drinking continued to lead to trouble with the law, something strange happened: I started thinking of jail – something that had been unimaginable to me years earlier — as something that just happened and was okay. In addition, I blamed others for my predicament. I was resentful of the cops who seemed to be targeting me, I was resentful of the doctor who told me I had early cirrhosis. The problem is, that through the process of justifying our unjustifiable actions, we get further and further away from reality.
Finally, after all the justifying and rationalizing, I stopped and took a look at what part I played in what was happening in my life. One of the reasons we justify is that we don’t want to face life on life’s terms. But it’s not possible to avoid that indefinitely. Life catches up with us, and when it does, it’s a real reality check. But that can be a good thing. It forced me to realize that I don’t ever want to do those things again and to figure out what I needed to do to make that my new reality.
Harold Connell is an Outreach Specialist at La Paloma Treatment Center in Memphis, Tennessee, where he has brought numerous people into treatment. In addition to his experience as a professional on staff, he’s experienced addiction from the other side as well. After 10 attempts at treatment and 14 incarcerations he finally surrendered. He’s been sober since January 4, 2001.
Tags: Alcoholism, Justification, Rationalization, Rehab, Treatment
