Putting an end to “no, never!” thinking makes for lasting recovery.
Many people enter the recovery process with the attitude, “there are certain things I’m not going to give up or change.” I felt that way. But I’ve since learned that when the pain is great enough, I’m going to do whatever I have to do to stay sober. That’s the ultimate goal: maintaining my sobriety.
To me, when someone makes the statement that they’re never going to give up something that is obviously a character defect (see Step 6 in A.A. for more on character defects), that person is not 100 percent willing to recover. The good news is, sometimes we don’t need to be 100 percent willing — if you’re certain you can handle the result. For example, say a recovering alcoholic has a penchant for gambling. He knows it’s a character defect, but he’s unwilling to give it up, insisting he can handle the outcome. And most of the time, he can. Until he has a really bad day, one where he loses his job or his wife threatens to leave or his car breaks down. On a day like that, all it would take is a few losses at the casino to make drinking again seem like a reasonable idea. We can set ourselves up for failure if we’re not willing to turn over ALL our character defects to a higher power. That doesn’t mean just giving up the ones that you won’t miss that much but also the ones that you know have cost you dearly in the past. You’ve got to be willing to surrender them all.
If I’m not spiritually fit on any given day, even though I’ve surrendered and worked the steps to the best of my ability, I know I can get drunk again. Part of being spiritually fit for me was being willing to allow God to remove these defects. I always have fear for someone when they say they’re not willing to give up something. This is about surrendering to win and if you’re not willing to surrender everything, you’re putting yourself in danger of turning back to your drug of choice. There’s no positive in that.
Harold Connell is an Outreach Specialist at La Paloma Treatment Center in Memphis, Tennessee, where he has brought numerous people into treatment. In addition to his experience as a professional on staff, he has experienced addiction from the other side as well. After 10 attempts at treatment and many incarcerations he finally surrendered. He’s been sober since January 4, 2001.
Tags: 12-step, Alcoholics Anonymous, Character Defect, Higher Power, Lasting Recovery, Recovery, Sobriety
I agree that we must surrender them all to our higher power. This is great article.